My Story of Unknown Illness

Hi, my story isn't your average. I don't really want to tell it but I think that it may help others in my position or similar. I won't give my name because things like that scare me.

There is no actual reason for why I am the way I am. I'm only 16 and I've had so many problems. I was bullied at school but other than that I was a bright, intelligent young girl with a loving family and close friends. But things started changing when my mother noticed me singing to myself and talking to people who weren't there when I was 14. She used to ask me questions but I never wanted to answer them. I started becoming withdrawn and quiet. The bullying stopped when I was 11 so there is no reason really.

Eventually I was taken to a psychiatrist. I'd started getting depressed and had become aware that there was something wrong with me and I did hear voices. They weren't that loud then and they weren't all bad. But as they got further and further into my disorder I'd been cutting myself and they'd begun turning nasty. My attitude to life changed and I'd started getting angry and increasingly violent towards people.

After 2 years I was diagnosed with O.C.D and was prescribed Sertraline but they haven't helped. I've now got a different psychiatrist, I don't trust people, the voices tell me to kill and hurt people and they make me have headaches when I try to fight them so I've started self harming a lot more because it shuts them up for a couple of minutes so I can get my head around. I also like the pain.

I also think people are trying to kill me, I see people and things and they seem and sound so real. I once woke up to someone standing above my bed with a knife and I also saw my brother get killed once but none of it was real. I was hysterical, I thought it was real. I still think it is sometimes. I think everyone is after me and everyone's talking about me.

I can't live a happy life. My psychiatrist thinks its schizophrenia now and shes prescribed me Riseradol and they aren't helping much. Shes also thinking of sending me to a mental home. I'm scared. Anyway if anyone out there has these problems then please try to get help because no matter what 'they' say my parents are making me.

Thank you for reading. I hope to get better soon.