My Life as a child of abuse..Through poetry..

At the age of five I remember daddy's hand's as he held them tight. comforting me from a long day of fright. I remember mother's hand's too but not in the same way. I remember mother hitting me all day. I remember wondering what I had did wrong? I remember my daddy singing me song's. I remember him telling me it was not me . He said mother had problems, that why she hates me. I remember my dad coming home from work. To find me and my brother where both being choked. I remember wanting her love so strong. I remember her leaving and staying gone long.

As a child I remember the fear that I had.
It was not just my mom but also my dad.
Mom hated me with passion you could see it in her eye's.
I saw it everytime the witch made me cry.
She tied me to bed's and gagged me with sock's.
She would hit me on the head with everything even rock's.
She called me names and locked me away.
She did this to me every single day.
Then one dad when dad came home.
He put up his wallet his change and his comb.
He walked out side to my to big brothers,
and asked where are your sister and your brother.
they told him to look inside the house.
There he found it quite as a mouse.
He looked at my mother who sat on the couch,
Where are the kid's came out of his mouth?
She looked at him without saying a word,
and dashed out the door never to be heard.
My dad came to the door to the room we were in.
And it sounded like he had to kick it in.
He opened the door and to his eyes what he see
but me and my brother on the bed with our feet tied to our knees.
We had our hands behind our back and clothes in are mouth's, gagging
from crying for hour's in that house.
I thought I was now safe from the pain of the past.
My mother is a waste and my dad kicked her out.
I took it from my mother and I took it from others too.
I was not away from the pain in my past.
The pain will go on and last and last.
From as far back as I can remember it is about 4.
My dad was making me do thing's that a daughter is not for
things that he and mother should have done.
But he said it was ok it was all in fun.

While this went on till I was 13 and knew it was wrong. And I had to tell someone what dad had done for so long. By this time he raped me and they made me take a test. This test they made me take said I was laying so this is the rest.

Why tell?
Why do they tell us to tell ?
When home is really like hell?
Why do they say tell a friend?
Or why do they say Don't pretend?
Why tell a teacher when they don't believe?
Why do they do this if no one is ever retrieved?
Why tell a child to go tell a cop?
Why do they do this and it still don't stop?

I have done all of the above. Just to see if I could find real love. Why was it taken away from me as a child? Why did this happen it was not mild? As a child I was raped and I told it got me nowhere but sent back home.

I ran away from home after that and got put into foster care till my mother came back into my life at the age of 16 and this it how it went there.

Sweet sixteen?

When I was sixteen I lived with my mother this time I lived there without my brother.
I hated it there it was so bad.
I could not believe what my mother had.
She went from a sick person to a complete stranger.
She let her new boy friend put me in danger.
Everyday she would go upstairs and stay for a long time.
While her boy friend was down stairs with me doing a crime.

One day on my way down a sidewalk to school.
He pulled me into a abandoned home and treated me like a fool.
I don't have to say what he did that day.
No one ever believed me anyway.
I walked to the police station to stand up for my rights.
they heard what I said and sent me back home that night.
It did not stop this man from the pain he was doing to me.
I thought maybe my mom would believe me only if she could see.
I told my mom three different times and all she would do is yell.
So I took a lie detector test and this I failed.
This man got by with it and was not held.
I went back home with mom and him that night.
When we got back home we all got into a fight. He told me to tell my mom I was lying.
And if I did not we both were dieing.
So I told mother it was all a lie knowing inside I wanted to die.

My dad got by with rape and another guy got by with rape. WHY WHY?? E-mail me at lilstormy2@aol.com