My Name is Lisa

My name is Lisa. I was born in California 1967. I suffer from bipolar, post traumatic stress disorder, and agoraphobia. My grandparents were murdered in front of me when I was 7 years old. I met my biological mother when I was 7 also. I was kidnapped when I was 7 and also molested on 3 occasions. I never finished school. My mother was very abusive as I was growing up. I have four children, two boys and two girls. I am also a grandmother from my first daughter. I have had a very hard life and I am still having it hard. There are sometimes that I wonder why God has allowed me to go through so much pain throughout my life. Then when I think about it, I realize that this is how God wants us to learn how to survive his many tests of life.

I do not want to make the same mistakes as my mother did with me, and it never fails because I do. However, I am doing my best to change so that I can be a better person, mother and wife. A lot of times I yell when things do not go my way because I want my children to do the right thing in life and to not have to suffer as I did. I do not like it when my children fight with each other and also say nasty things to each other. That really makes me very upset and makes me yell at them. When my husband was getting high during the time that I have been drug-free, that too would make me yell at him. I am in the process of regaining physical custody of my two sons from administration for children's services due to the fact prior to February of 2006, I was using drugs and that caused my children to go into foster care. So since February, 2006 until the present day, I have cleaned up my act and my two sons come home with me for the weekend as well as vacations from school.

I also want my husband and any one else that comes to my home to maintain sobriety from all bad ways of life because I will not allow anyone or anything to come between me and getting my children back. I have worked too hard for some one to come along and sabatoge all that I have accomplished within my life.

I am also in ongoing therapy and I attend an outpatient drug program. I applied for Supplemental Security Income (SSI) and I was denied, but I just recently won the hearing. When I get my back monies, my sons, my husband and I are all going on a big shopping spree. I want to buy my sons a nice bedroom set that I recently saw in a furniture store. I also want to buy them some stuff to make them feel comfortable for when they are allowed to visit with me because after March 8, 2007, which is my next court date for family court, my sons should be coming home for good.

As for my daughters, my 19-year old is in college studying law and married to a marine living in Hawaii. We speak sometimes. However she is still very angry with me for the way that she grew up with me, due to my depression. I slept a lot and her and her older sister did a lot of chores and motherly stuff for me. My oldest daughter just had a little girl in December, 2006. She refuses to speak to me, and I am not allowed to see my granddaughter at this time. All I do is just keep praying for a miracle to happen.

I also maintain a drug-free life, continue to live on the right road and learn to have more patience with my family. With all of this, one day God has to open up my daughter's heart and let me see my grandaughter. I used this picture to describe me because there are so many times that I feel like a trapped animal and cannot find my way out to the light. I plan to go to college maybe next year because I love to learn.

I am very upset with one of my sons because he is only 12 years old and is in a gang where he lives at in the foster home. He will not listen to me, so I told my case worker and she is doing everything to get my son out of that home to bring him home to me. My 9-year old son is in the fourth grade and reads as if he is in the 6th grade. The school that he attends says that he is college material.

Thank you for letting me share my life with you. God bless you all.

Love,
Lisa and my wonderful family